Brian asked:


Q. Moja firma publikuje miesięczny biuletyn pracownika. Mój szef zwrócił się do mnie napisać zabawny quiz. Nie jestem dokładnie w stand-up comic. Pomoc!

A. Ach, zabawny quiz. Lucky you! Nie często zdarza się, że spółka nie ma jeszcze oficjalnych poczucie humoru, że są one skłonne do wyświetlania dla wszystkich do odczytu. To będzie wielki przypisania dla Ciebie!

A funny quiz jest zwykle takie, w którym pytania i odpowiedzi nie ma realnych celów innych niż do quizu w stosunku do śmiechu. Chociaż prawie wszystko idzie, istnieją pewne tematy tabu. Off strony będę powiedzieć, że wszystko, co pokes fun na konkretne osoby lub grupy osób, jak również wszystko to antysemickich, rasowych, seksualnych, politycznych, religijnych lub powinny być niedostępnych. Należy pamiętać, co jedna osoba uważa, że jest zabawny może obrazić kogoś innego. Nawet pozornie nieszkodliwej tematy takie jak "hillbilly" lub "Redneck" żartów nie może być zabawna którzy ktoś mieszka w górach lub głęboko Południowej (jak zrobić).

Można myśleć o jak zabawny quiz serii w jednej linijce z wielokrotnego wyboru punch lines. Ponieważ są na piśmie spółki publikacji masz wbudowane "powinowactwo grupy" nie jest związany być pewne wspólne tematy, które są powiązane i mogą być dokonywane w coś funny.

Na przykład, jeśli pracujesz na rozwój oprogramowania firmy następnie można mieć wątpliwości, że pyta:

Co już: CEO's tydzień lub programisty tydzień?

Jeśli nie śmiać wtedy nigdy nie miał programista powiedzieć, że projekt będzie gotowy w tygodniu.

Musisz chodzić grzywny linii nawet przy użyciu przedmiotów, takich jak ten w swojej zabawny quiz. Powiedz, że Twoja firma właśnie opublikował 4-ty kwartał strat z powodu nowego oprogramowania produktu utraty jego datę rozpoczęcia przez "programisty tydzień". To nie rakiety podjąć w celu ustalenia, naukowiec, który chcesz zaznaczyć off wiele osób, jeśli dodać, że na swoje pytanie zabawny quiz.

Staraj się unikać wornout żartów lub cliches. A funny quiz powinno być zabawne, nie lame. Na przykład, wciąż na oprogramowanie myślenia, pytanie jak …

Pyt.: Jak wielu programistów nie trzeba czekać na zmiany żarówka? A. Nie. Nie zrobić sprzętu.

… jest starsze niż tajemnicą, że mięso w pojemniku Tupperware w tylnej części lunchroom lodówce. Nikt nie będzie się śmiać z tego. Nr laughing = nie jest zabawny quiz!

Najlepszym rozwiązaniem jest, aby bacznie przyglądać się obecnie na pełen humoru, bezpieczne rzeczy do zabawy w poke a następnie napisać zabawny quiz. Moja rada jest, aby rozpocząć już teraz i nie czekać, aż jedna godzina przed terminem. The only thing that's funny mniej niż lame zabawny quiz nie jest zabawny quiz na wszystkich!

Vikram kuamr asked:


Czy kiedykolwiek zauważyliście, że really funny spożywczych, które można zobaczyć na really funny fartuchy obecnie nie są zazwyczaj w jednej linijce? Powodem jest to, że w jednej linijce są najlepsze rodzaje żartów. One hit your funny kości z jednej lub dwóch punchlines i zapamiętanie ich najlepsze. Czasami można zapamiętać w jednej linijce, w zabawny fartuchy więcej niż receptur powinno być memorizing i oznacza, że nie będzie się go jako kucharz, ale będzie się go jako "stand-up joker.

To problem z kucharzem jest zbyt dziś – ludzie nie chcą się nauczył, jak gotować, chcą, aby ich szefowie kuchni, jak również być komediantów. A jest to trudne zadanie wymóg nakłada na kucharz, którzy już do pracy pod ciśnieniem kuchenka środowiska pochodzących z czterech dań gotować jednocześnie, że wszyscy muszą wyglądać wielkim, wielkim smaku i całkowicie oryginalny. Można już usłyszeć kucharze tam whining "i chcesz się do mnie na górę comedian wszystkich? Come on!"

Tak, to prawda, że jest kucharzem to trudne zadanie. A nie powinniśmy oskarżać je o ile trudno się komediantów w tym samym czasie. Czasem najlepsze są żarty, że są niespodziewane, tak jak wtedy, gdy szef zapomina naczyniu jest na piec i przypadkowego oparzenia. W tym momencie, ulubionym kucharz może włączyć do swojej grupy docelowej i znaczy "być może należy udawać, nie można zobaczyć." A great jednej linii żeglugowych, że wszyscy kucharze powinni zachować w stanie, w przypadku ich coraz nagrywania naczynia i ruiny ich reputacji z jednym szybkie TV episode.

Czasami, w jednej linijce, może również obniżyć spirytusu nawet najbardziej inspirowane kucharz. Podobnie jak, sobie wyobrazić sędziego degustacji nowego pizza dokonane przez szefa kuchni następnie mówi szef "nie można wydaje się, aby twój umysł, czy chcesz dokonać pizza lub kanapki". Oh my word, ilu kucharzy zostało zabitych na takich podstawowych w jednej linijce. W jednej linijce, jak tego można dokonać kucharz naprawdę chcą stać się golf caddy zamiast – albo przynajmniej znaleźć kinder sędziów do ich smak pracy w razie potrzeby.

That's funny fartuchy, gdy przybył do hotelu – really funny funny spożywczych wprowadzanych na fartuchy (jeżeli dzieje się naprawdę śmieszne rzeczy, że jest) pomóc kucharz czuć lepiej i zmniejszenia się napięta atmosfera stworzone przez zbyt wiele pary z ich gotowania obowiązków i zbyt dużo hiper temat kucharz wiedzy. A kucharz, którzy bierze jego rzemiosło tak poważnie, że chciał żyć lub umrzeć jak przez jego odbiorców postrzega jego gotowania, albo umrzeć z nadciśnieniem tętniczym na początku wieku, lub wstyd, gdy on / ona otrzymała odrzucenia jego / jej gotowanie . Z tego powodu, kucharze mają młodszych kucharzy na rękę cały czas, faktycznie – oni na bieżąco z kucharzem popełnia samobójstwo, gdy jego anteny nie produkują pochwały. Czy dźwięk, że jak jedna liniowej dla Ciebie?

Vikram kuamr asked:


Po myśleć nawet really funny funny stuff na fartuchy jest trudniejsze niż jak to działa. Możesz być sobie pytanie "w jaki sposób, że trudno może być? Po prostu musisz być zabawne!" Ale nie można być zabawny na polecenia, zwłaszcza jeśli mają być w dobrym nastroju, prawo do mówienia ludziom i czeka na really funny stuff do pop na głowę. A nawet jeśli nie really funny stuff pop na głowę, musisz scramble okolice na pióro i papier tak, że można uchwycić myśli, zanim zniknie oh, Drat.

Czasami można uzyskać najlepsze pomysły na really funny funny stuff na fartuchy, jeśli nie do gotowania, lub nawet nie myśli o swojej kuchni lub żywności w ogóle. Na przykład, jeden pomysł, że skrócony do zaledwie teraz to: kucharz posiada jego młodszy kucharz przez lapels i growls "Nigdy akcji łyżki! Jak chcesz go, jeśli udostępniony szczoteczki do zębów? Akcji łyżki Nigdy!" Jak Einstein raz skarżył frustracja, "Dlaczego to, że niektóre z moich najlepszych pomysłów na uprawy, kiedy jestem w prysznic?"

Po myśleć nawet really funny funny wczych dla fartuchy na impuls często produkuje najlepsze w jednej linijce można kiedykolwiek usłyszeć. A mając nawet myśleć really funny wczych będzie produkować żarty, że chcesz, nigdy nie zostały przypisane do Ciebie, bo po prostu suck. Let's face it, funny, różni się od myślenia do really funny wczych i niektórzy ludzie są po prostu śmieszne urodzone w taki sam sposób, że niektórzy ludzie rodzą się być kucharze. A że brzmi jak doskonałe miejsce do wiadomości na płycie zabawny, nie jest ona?

Swoją drogą, oto nowy żart "what do you call a Chef noszenia Ear plugs w kuchni?" Odpowiedź: "Co chcesz, nie może on usłyszeć można tak". Ponownie, że jest coś, co się tylko popped obecnie nigdzie nie tylko teraz. I prawdopodobnie wiele rzeczy chcesz powiedzieć kucharze wiesz, że to najlepszy dźwięk, jakby były ubrane Ear plugs w czasie. Teraz masz dobry pomysł na prezent, jaki rodzaj dać im prawo? Oprócz zabawnych fartuchy, że jest.

Wszystkie te pomysły na zabawne fartuchy prawdopodobnie sprawia, że chcesz, możesz nawet myśleć really funny spożywczych, które byłyby idealnym nie tylko dla fartuchy zabawne, ale do wykorzystania w trakcie imprez i innych get-togethers. Na przykład, można sneak w gumowym kurczakiem w kuchni jako kucharz, on jest zajęty gotowania i czekać na jego reakcję. Można go tylko dwa sposoby, wiesz – on / ona będzie albo Howl w złość, że on / ona ma tylko rozdrabnia się gumowego kurczaka, czy on / ona będzie go znaleźć, bardzo zabawny. Każdym sposobem, należy czekać w tle, dzięki czemu można mieć jasne ucieczkę złość powinna być pierwszą reakcją. Nigdy nie wiesz, jak te kucharze reagują – gotowaniem sposób podejmują one czasami zbyt poważnie.

Jeśli znajdziesz kogoś, którzy uważa, że gotowanie jest praktycznie religii, a następnie być może należy dać mu kilka zabawnych fartuchy do użytku. To może pomóc mu rozjaśnił się – lub uczynić go jeden gorszy gotować. Cooks i kucharze są trudne do przewidzenia w ten sposób.

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Vikram kuamr asked:



Have you ever noticed that the really funny stuffs that you can see on the really funny aprons out there are usually one-liners? The reason is that one-liners are the best types of jokes. They hit your funny bone with one or two punchlines and you remember them the best. Sometimes, you might remember the one-liners on funny aprons more than the recipes you should be memorizing and that means you won’t make it as a chef but you will make it as a stand-up joker.

That’s the problem with being a chef too nowadays – people don’t just want to be taught how to cook, they want their chefs to be comedians as well. And that’s a tough job requirement to impose on a chef who already has to work under a pressure cooker environment coming up with four dishes to cook at one time that all have to look great, taste great and are completely original. You can already hear the chefs out there whining “and you want me to be a comedian on top of all that? Come on!”

Yes, it’s true that being a chef is a hard job. And we shouldn’t blame them if they find it hard to be comedians at the same time. Sometimes, the best jokes are those that are unexpected, like when a chef forgets a dish is on the stove and accidentally burns it. At that point, your favorite chef might turn to his audience and say “maybe you should pretend you didn’t see that.” A great one-liner that all chefs should keep in stock, in case they ever burn a dish and ruin their reputations with one swift TV show episode.

Sometimes, one-liners can also bring down the spirits of even the most inspired chef. Like, imagine a judge tasting a new pizza made by a chef then telling the chef “you can’t seem to make up your mind whether you want to make a pizza or a sandwich.” Oh my word, how many chefs have been slain to the core by such one-liners. One-liners like that can really make a chef want to become a golf caddy instead – or at least find kinder judges to taste their work when necessary.

That’s where funny aprons come into the picture – the really funny stuffs placed on funny aprons (if they happen to be really funny stuff, that is) help the chef to feel better and lighten up the tense atmosphere created by too much steam from their cooking responsibilities and too much hype about the chef’s expertise. A chef who takes his crafts so seriously, that he would live or die by how his/her audience perceives his/her cooking, will either die of hypertension at an early age, or shame when he/she received disapproval on his/her cooking. For this reason, chefs have junior chefs on hand all the time, actually – they keep the chef from committing suicide when his dish fails to produce accolades. Did that sound like a one-liner to you?

Brian asked:


Q. My company publishes a monthly employee newsletter. My boss asked me to write a funny quiz. I’m not exactly a stand-up comic. Help!

A. Ah, the funny quiz. Lucky you! It’s not often that a company has an official sense of humor that they are willing to display for all to read. This is going to be a great assignment for you!

A funny quiz is typically one where the questions and answers have no real purpose other than to make the quiz taker laugh. Although almost anything goes, there are some taboo subjects. Off hand I’d say that anything that pokes fun at a specific person, or groups of people, as well as anything that’s anti-semitic, racial, sexual, political, or religious should be off limits. Remember, what one person thinks is funny can offend someone else. Even seemingly innocuous subjects like “hillbilly” or “redneck” jokes might not be funny to someone who lives in the mountains or the deep South (like I do).

You can think of a funny quiz as a series of one-liners with multiple-choice punch lines. Because you are writing for a company publication you have a built-in “affinity group” as there is bound to be some common subjects that are company related and could be made into something funny.

For example, if you work for a software development company then you might have a question that asks:

What’s longer: A CEO’s week or a programmer’s week?

If you’re not laughing then you have never had a programmer tell you that the project will be ready in a week.

You need to walk a fine line even when using subjects like this in your funny quiz. Say that your company just posted a 4th quarter loss because a new software product missed its launch date by a “programmer’s week”. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to determine that you are about to tick off a lot of people if you add that question to your funny quiz.

Try to avoid wornout jokes or cliches. A funny quiz should be funny, not lame. For example, still on the software train of thought, a question like…

Q. How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A. None. They don’t do hardware.

…is older than the mystery meat in that Tupperware container in the back of the lunchroom refrigerator. No one is going to laugh at that one. No laughing = not a funny quiz!

The best thing to do is to keep an eye out for humorous, safe things to poke fun at and then write a funny quiz question. My advice is to start right now and don’t wait until one hour before deadline. The only thing that’s less funny than a lame funny quiz is no funny quiz at all!

Bryan Hufford asked:


Let’s face it – Giving a wedding speech can be tough stuff. While some people might enjoy standing in front of a large crowd just talking their ear off, I know the average person would rather just skip the whole speech part. The thing that I must say, however, is that if you are in a wedding party, the wedding speech is practically inevitable. Since this is the case, why not make the most of it? Keep the crowd interested by making your speech funny!
Here are 3 tips that can help you keep your speech funny and interesting:
#1 – Use One-Liners, but Don’t Overdo It
Find some great one-liners that people will appreciate and incorporate them into your speech. Do it tastefully, and use them when appropriate. If you have some crafty one-liners, you’ll keep the crowd on their feet. Cleaver one-liners always work well in my book.
#2 – Use Actions and Use Enthusiasm In Your Voice
Saying funny lines in a dull tone will kill the humor in your speech. Match your tone and deliver your speech with enthusiasm. Use actions to help describe your words. Sometimes people understand things better if you can act them out. Don’t act out too much to the point where you are a flap-jack, wailing your arms all over the place and becoming a distraction to everyone. Just use common sense and you’ll be good.
#3 – Mold Your Humor Around The Bride/Groom’s Personality
You’ll know exactly how far you can push the button by doing this. If the bride/groom have a very humorous personality and find a lot of things funny, you will really be able to go over the edge. Also consider the crowd you will be reciting your speech in front of. How well will they take you and your “funnies”. If you know what makes the bride/groom laugh, you’re set!
Are you in a wedding that’s on the way? If you don’t already have a speech prepared, you need to visit Wedding Speeches. You’ll have access to all sorts of one-liners, quotes, sample speeches, and more!

Vikram kuamr asked:


Having to think up really funny stuff for funny aprons is harder than how it works. You might be asking yourself “how hard could that be? You just need to be funny!” But you can’t be funny on command, especially if you have to be in the right mood, talking to the right people and waiting for really funny stuff to pop into your head. And even when really funny stuff does pop into your head, you need to scramble around for pen and paper so you can capture that thought before it disappears oh, drat it.

Sometimes, you get the best ideas for really funny stuff for funny aprons when you’re not cooking, or not even thinking about your kitchen or food at all. For instance, one idea that cropped up just now is this: a chef holds his junior chef by the lapels and growls “Never share spoons! How would you like it if I shared toothbrushes with you? Never share spoons!” As Einstein once complained in frustration, “Why is it that some of my best ideas crop up when I’m in the shower?”

Having to think up really funny stuffs for funny aprons on impulse often produces the best one-liners you could ever hear of. And having to think up really funny stuffs will produce jokes that you wish have never been attributed to you, because they just plain suck. Let’s face it, being funny is different from thinking up really funny stuffs and some people are just born funny in the same way that some people are born to be chefs. And that sounds like an excellent message to place on a funny apron, isn’t it?

By the way, here’s a new joke “what do you call a chef wearing ear plugs in the kitchen?” Answer: “Anything you like, he can’t hear you anyway.” Again, that is something that popped up just out of nowhere just now. And you probably have a lot of things you want to tell the chefs you know that would sound best if they were wearing ear plugs at the time. So now you have a good idea of what type of gift to give them right? Aside from funny aprons, that is.

All these ideas for funny aprons probably makes you wish you could think up really funny stuffs that would be perfect not just for funny aprons but to use during parties and other get-togethers. For instance, you could sneak in a rubber chicken into the chef’s kitchen as he/she is busy cooking and wait for his/her reaction. It can only go two ways, you know – he/she will either howl in rage that he/she has just chopped up a rubber chicken, or he/she will find it extremely funny. Either way, you should wait in the background so you can have a clear escape route should rage be the first reaction. You never know how these chefs react – they take cooking way too seriously sometimes.

If you do find someone who thinks that cooking is practically a religion, then maybe you should give him/her some funny aprons to use. That might help him or her lighten up – or make him/her one worse cook. Cooks and chefs are hard to predict that way.

harvey clifford asked:


Here are five essential tips to consider when writing your best man speech:

1. Make sure that your best man speech is prepared several weeks before the day of the wedding.

2. Practice reading your speech a few times before finally performing it at the wedding reception. Read right through to a couple of friends before the big day.

3. Keep it to around five minutes in length.

4. Be careful not to offend anyone in your speech.

5. Make a copy of your speech in case you lose the original.

At a wedding the best man speech is a time-honoured tradition when he can tell all those wonderful and funny stories, even bring a tear to the best man’s eye, but it can also be a frightful experience especially if the best man really does not like speaking in public.

However, giving the speech is probably the easy part, delivering the speech is more of a talent and one of the best ways to learn about the delivering is by watching others ‘perform’. But there really is no need to fret, it’s a skill that can easily be learnt.

The best man speech is the perfect way to put the icing on the cake for the bride and groom on their wedding day and to share with everyone present how you came to be friends.

The speech can be made more interesting by adding some inspirational quotes or a short story and should also carry a message of congratulations.

Remember that the wedding day is a family occasion, so keep any humour or one-liners clean, also keeping any dubious language out of your speech is a good idea, remember a lot of weddings these days are video taped, you don’t want to look a prat for all time!

Give yourself at least one month to start slowly preparing by writing down notes on what you want to cover in your speech.

You owe it to the bride and groom, their families, and yourself, to present the best speech you possibly can.

Length of the best man speech is another important consideration. The ideal speech should be between two and seven minutes. Keep the speech short and sweet, and to the point, don’t waffle on.

A sense of humour and the ability, or at least the nerve, to get up in front of a room full of people and give a speech loud and clear is your objective.

Make sure if you are going to drink alcohol to take it easy until after the best man speech is over and you are not in the spotlight, it will be obvious if you get too drunk, you’ll slur your words or sway around.

People remember only a few things about a wedding; the way the bride looks, the ceremony and lastly the wedding speeches. The best man speech is a tradition at every wedding, and like all traditions, it has developed a set of rules and standards that are expected of anyone giving the speech.

If you aren’t naturally a funny man, then you can find some funny speeches or quotes in books, the Internet, friends and family.

If the standard of your jokes are along the lines of: ‘The wedding was a moving affair, so much so, even the wedding cake was in tiers’ then you probably won’t reach the required standard on your own!

Most people can’t deliver a successful speech without some help and assistance and one of the best places to get it these days is online, and, for a very modest fee Dan Stevens, author of ‘Best Man Speeches’ can help.

Jack Reider asked:


Indian cricket is headed for a disastrous World Cup and only those who wish to bury their head in the sand can think that they will do well there. The pitches in West Indies are fast and the players (who anyway have a tough time on such pitches) will succumb easily. They will advance (I truly hope so) to the next round by beating the weak teams but they will lose once again to the strong ones and they will find ourselves out and forgotten very soon. So instead of feeling sad, the only thing left for the fans to do is to joke about them. So here goes!

The story goes that there was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old. Their relationship was turning sour. So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than to carry on such a relationship.

So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court it was decided that this choice should be left to their son. So the judge asked “Son, would you like to stay with your mummy?”

The kid replied,” No, mummy beats me.”

So the judge asked “Then, would you like to stay with your papa?”

The kid replied, “No, papa beats me too.”

Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do. After pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child.

And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with

Any guesses?

Come on I know you can guess this.

Ok here is the decision: The judge decided that the kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because they never beat anybody.

And here are some one liners to pipe up your day:

Why do Indian babies cry and complain all the time?

They are practicing how to become Indian cricketers when they grow up.

What is an handcuffed Indian Cricketer called?

A cricketer you can trust.

What are the four words that will destroy any Indian batsman?

Did you bat today?

Why doesnt the crowd blink when Tendulkar goes out to bat?

There just is no time until he gets out again.

What is the difference between an Indian batsman and an Australian one?

100 runs.

What is the difference between batteries and Indian cricketers?

Batteries have a positive side.

How do you force Indian cricketers to run between wickets?

You place food on either end.

Yes, I know that some of these jokes are really putting the Indian team down but considering their recent form (excluding the recent two victories against West Indies which I think is more of a fluke than anything else), I felt that I could say such things.

I cannot understand how such players such as Ganguly, Tendulkar, Dravid and the rest can let the fans down time and again. Sometimes it seems that they are not really interested in playing and that they gamble away their wicket easily. If that is the case then they should leave and let other more able and willing youngsters take a shot. They will not fare much worse in any case. What will they do? Lose. They lose anyway and to any cricket playing nation in the world!

Robert asked:


Throughout life there are those special occasions that come and go. Perhaps one of the most important days of many people’s lives is their wedding day. A popular ritual amongst weddings is the best man speech. Although it can be nerve-racking for the best man, it is important you take it seriously. After all, if done correctly it could be the speech the bride and groom forever remember.

There are some things you can do to help you create the perfect wedding speech. Everything from preparing yourself to touching up on the speech can help you get ready. As long as you do not wait until the last minute, you should be fine.

The first thing you want to do is write down various features and feelings you have about both the bride and groom. Write down any special memories you have about them as a couple along with personal moments you have had between just the bride and just the groom. Telling a good clean story within your wedding speech can be fun.

While it can be difficult to put these feelings and emotions into words, there are hundreds of wedding speeches that can be found online. The last thing you want to do is go and copy an exact speech that someone else has already used. But there is nothing wrong with looking at the speeches and getting ideas. Even taking a line here and there is not the end of the world.

What is important is that you personalize the speech as much as possible. Make sure the bride and groom know the speech is coming from you. The reason you are the best man is because you have been there through good times and bad for the groom, and potentially the bride as well.

The great thing about a wedding is that it is a happy and joyous occasion. Because of this, it is perfectly fine to have some fun with the speech and create a funny wedding speech. Just remember that it is a family event. Keep it as clean as possible.

When creating funny wedding speeches, one-liners are the best way to go. They are quick and to the point and can get a chuckle out of the audience. In addition, you can tell one longer joke that applies to the bride and groom as long as it does not embarrass them. Just remember that you want your wedding speech to be no longer than three to five minutes.

Once you feel you have created the perfect wedding speech, the next phase is to prepare yourself. Go over the speech several times before the wedding so you do not get caught looking at a note card the entire time. And if you have stage fright, it can be beneficial to practice the speech in front of a few people.

While it can be difficult to get up and present a wedding speech in front of a room full of people you do not know, it is important you have fun with it and keep the mood light. Weddings are a time to have fun and celebrate a great occasion. With the proper research and practice, you will have no problem presenting the bride and groom with a speech they will never forget.